There, there now. Deep breaths. I'm sure you were all fraught with worry wondering just why last week's power rankings weren't posted. I can explain.

See, there was this little thing called work I had to attend to in order to put food on our table, a roof over our head, ensure health care for our first child on the way and, of course, support my "never-ending poker habit" (I'm paraphrasing my wife there).

You may now return to your regularly scheduled yawn.

Let's get to it!

1. New England Bellichick: "It's too windy, let's see if we have a running game. Well whaddya know! We have one!" Scary.
2. Green Bay Clinched one more (hopefully) cold playoff game in Lambeau for Brett. Set your DVR now.
3. Indianapolis QB Manning harassed by Oakland's D all game. Yes, you read that correctly.
4. Dallas As QB Romo's thumb goes, so go the...hey! Is that Jessica Simpson!?
5. Jacksonville Underrated no more.
6. Tampa Bay Nothing to make a team feel better after a loss than the Falcons.
7. San Diego Getting better week by the weak.
8. Minnesota Know what I love? That cool viking horn that trumpets during home games.
9. Cleveland Anybody see the Browns game? Seriously.
10. Pittsburgh Two words: Completely overrated.

11. Seattle No running game, no problem. No passing game? Now that's a problem.
12. NY Giants They're 9-5. So? What's your friggin' point?
13. Tennessee Yeah, but it was the Chiefs.
14. Philadelphia Millions of fantasy football owners wait outside of Texas Stadium to kick Westbrook's ass.
15. Houston If the Texans somehow meet the Titans in the playoffs, Heidi Klum will tell both teams "You're out", just based on their uniforms.
16. Buffalo Entire team found frozen, but still alive, in Cleveland snow drift.
17. New Orleans They get Reggie Bush back this week, maybe. So there's that....
18. Washington Coach Gibbs ordered a Tom Collins and gets a Todd Collins instead.
19. Denver This team is weird.
20. Arizona Know what's really funny? Watching Kurt Warner throw a football.
21. Detroit Time for a recall in Detroit.
22. Chicago Good God, find a quarterback!
23. Oakland Hope. That's what that game signaled for we Raiders fans. And no, they're not overranked.
24. Cincinnati No wonder the NFL is falling out of favor with Tom Blogical.
25. New York Jets Chad Pennington is back! By subtraction.
26. Carolina Oh sure, NOW you beat Seattle.
27. Baltimore Billick still has the owner's confidence. Code: Get resume in order.
28. Kansas City Herm Edwards screws up another team.
29. St. Louis Worst team in Missouri. But just barely.
30. San Francisco Niner fans pray QB Hill is next Tom Brady. Methinks they've had a wee bit too much Napa Valley merlot.
31. Atlanta Assholes of the Week: Algae Crumpler, Roddy White, DeAngelo Hall, Chris Houston and Joe Horn. Stop defending the indefensible.
32. Miami Oh great. Way to win and ruin it for the rest of us.